I’m writing this on my Blackberry as I’m walking home (I’m so gonna get run over)…..I’m feeling stressed – something I don’t experience too often. I’m high-energy, and I may seemed wound-up more often than not, but its just my excitable nature. Real stress – the kind that makes your stomach feel tight and makes you short of breath – that’s just not my bag. But, nonetheless, I’m feeling its effects now. I’m also feeling ridiculous, because what I’m about to confess sounds ridiculous, but honestly – this knot in my stomach is due to cosmetics.Now wait, and hear me out. Some of you won’t be able to relate to this at all – and that’s ok. Because some of you will hear me loud and clear, and once again I find myself so thankful that I’ve found this community of amazing people who share my enduring obsession for all things beauty. I’ve said it before and I’ll repeat myself regardless – its so comforting to find people like me who have a passion for cosmetics but who are not at all vapid, superficial, vain (well…), or otherwise one-note personalities who think that ‘looking good’ is the ultimate goal. Its not about that. I’m not going to get into detail about what ‘IT’ ‘is because those of you who get it know what I mean. Anyway, steering back towards the point…There is such a saturation of product in the market today. New technology, in-depth knowledge and trends are constantly updated and are divulged in a constant stream to anyone with even a mild interest. I try to take in this information with a discerning eye and filter out what doesn’t apply to my skin tone, type, and personal preference. However, sometimes it gets so overwhelming! There are so many amazing brands and products I want to try, but there is only so much I can hoard and only so much money in the bank. Not to mention that on a fairly regular basis, I look at what I DO have and become anxious as to how I’m ever going to use it all. Despite the stressful feelings, these are the moments when I have the most clarity at how absurd this can all get, if I let it. The real problem here is the dichotomy of emotions I have – one moment wanting, the other shunning the whole deal. I go on a spending spree, then feeling guilt over the unnecessary expense and horror of my ever-expanding stash. Just this morning, I decided that I didn’t need anything else for a while, that I was at max capacity; only a few short hours later, I was compiling a list of blushes I’d like to buy in the next couple months. This is the epitome of my dualistic nature, in which I can change my mind about three times in a matter of minutes. I don’t know how to rectify this, if it’s even possible – my love for cosmetics is eternal, without a doubt, my so too will be my dislike for excess (and likely my pitiful bank account). The only way I’ve found that helps is through disclosure, and the empathy of others (hint hint) – this has always been the way I deal with things: write it down, relate, and move on. Hopefully at some point I can come to a place where I find balance between these two, and have fun trying new things without feeling overwhelmed at what I already own.
Does anyone else experience this, or am I on my own? (help me out here, guys :P)
FYI: The pics shown are of my actual stash of cosmetics (for the most part), aside from my nail polish collection.